Lovingly Lusting
by Saruwatari
Summary: BR, with side MM and YYY. Sure, Ryou used to have a crush on his yami, but that's done. He's completely, totally one hundred percent over him. Riiiiggggggghhtt.
1. Chapter 1

HURRAH! I GIVE YOU MY HORRIBLE FIRST ATTEMPT AT YAOI!

Odori: It sucks.

QUIET YAMI! NOBODY ASKED YOU!

Odori: Frankly, I don't care.

Gee, thanks a lot.

Odori: Just shut up and do the disclaimer so we don't get sued.

Fine, maybe I will so Nyah!

**Disclaimer: No. Just no.**

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* * *

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"_And we are put on Earth a little space, _

_that we may learn to bear the beams of love."_

-William Blake

* * *

I awake, once again, to the sound of something crashing and most likely bursting into to flames.

"RYOU!"

My, what a lucky hikari I am.

"Coming Bakura!" I swear, he's an idiot. You'd think I could teach Mr. I-was-a-great-and-mighty-tomb-robber-who-evaded-the-blasted-pharaohs-traps how to work a bloody microwave, but then, you'd be mistaken.

"RYOU!"

"I said I was coming!"

I finally grope my way to the kitchen (it's 9:30 a.m. And I am _not_ a morning person), and look at the scene in front of me with pure shock and horror.

"The Ra-damned machines blew up on me again!"

Oh yes, you heard right. Machines. Plural. As in the toaster, microwave, _and_ oven, all at the same time.

I think my left eye just twitched.

I slap a hand to my forehead. Don't get me wrong, I love my yami, but really...

"I'll start cleaning this up. There's a spare toaster in the cupboard. Why don't you get it and I'll make you some toast." Resistance is futile.

I watch him as he fetches it. Well, more accurately, I watch his ass as he leaves. What? I can't help it, it's a nice rear end!

I sigh. I suppose it's obvious I used to have a huge crush on my yami. It was probably because all the other yami's and hikari's were getting together. But it's ok now.

I am absolutely, positively, 100 percent over h-

"Boo."

"KYA! Bakura, how long have you been there?" Oh yes, good going Ryou, let out yet another high pitched girly scream.

"Long enough, yadonushi," he says with a smirk, showing off a fang. I frown slightly. He hasn't called me that in a long time...

I then start to realize how close we are. We're almost touching noses.

Oh, Ra, I can feel the heat rising to my face. I blush so easily! And Bakura still hasn't moved!

"Anou... Bakura... is there a reason, anou, why you're not moving..?" Wow that came out retarded. You're an idiot Ryou, an absolute idiot.

"I like it here."

"Anou... anou..." WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT? Gee, that's great? "Anou... the toaster..." That works too. Its equally dumb.

Thankfully, he hands me the toaster and turns away, retreating out of the kitchen. I take this moment to look at my reflection in the metal side of the toaster. Well, my face closely resembles a sunburned tomato, and I think I'm sweating out of gland I didn't know existed, but besides that I'm totally composed. Right.

The toast is done, and I start buttering it when the doorbell rings. I groan. There's only two people that could possibly be.

I trudge over to the door, where Bakura is already waiting.

"Why haven't you opened it?" He gives me a dead pan stare.

"You really think I'm going to open it to those two?"

"Be nice! I thought they were your best friends!"

"They are. Doesn't make them any less insane." He's right.

"Fine. I'll be the courteous-"

"Kura-chan!" A flash of blond zooms past me. And so it begins.

"Malik get off me you psychopath!" Said Egyptian pouts, but removes himself from my darker half's body in any case.

Malik Ishtar, for the most part, is actually relatively sane. He goes about daily life like a normal human being, enjoying the good things, scorning the bad. It's his yami who is completely off his rocker.

Speaking of which...

"Hey Ry-chan!" Oof. I now have a mental platinum blond attached to my stomach, pinning me to the floor.

"Oi! Marik! Get off my hikari you maniac!" Bakura screams, kicking him in the ribs.

"Ow! Kura, you meanie!"

"Don't call me that, damnit!" And so the two darks start bickering.

Sighing, I turn to Malik. "Why are you here so early?"

"We're taking you shopping!" Bakura freezes mid-punch.

"You're _what?_"

"Taking him shopping Kura-chan! Geez!"

"But Malik," I reason. "It's only a quarter to ten."

"Yep! We're going early to avoid the crowds."

"But... WHY?"

"Because!" he answers as if that's all the explanation I need.

"Ishtar, let him go! ISHTAR!" Alas, I'm already out the door.

"Don't worry Kura-chan! We'll take care of little Ryou."

I'm beginning to fear for my life.

* * *

Oi! Oi oi oi oi oi! That was freaking horrible! Worse then i thought it would be! OI!

Odori: It was pretty bad.

Agh! That was the worst thing I've ever written!

I'm sorry for my suckiness everyone. PLEASE FORGIVE ME!

Oh, and would you pwease review? Constructive criticism is adored (god knows I need it) but pure flames will be used to slowly roast Anzu on a spit!

Dewa Mata!

Saruwatari


	2. Plot Bunny: The bet

WOW! A FEW PEOPLE ACTUALLY READ, AND LIKED THE FIRST CHAPTER! THAT'S FREAKING INCREDIBLE! THEY REALLY LIIIIIIIKE ME, THEY REALLY LOOOOOOOOVE ME! THEY WANT MY BOOOOOOODDDYYYYYYY! THEY WANT-

Odori: you to uuuuuuuuupdaaaaaaaate.

Shut up.

Odori: It's true, ya know. You've been horrible so far with updating. You posted the first chapter in August!

Gee, it's really been that long? Shimmata... that's horrible. And I got so many nice reviews too... I'M SORRY MINNA-SAN! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! TT.TT

Odori: Please excuse my aibou... she gets upset easily...

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Odori: Ahem, yes well, Saruwatari apologizises greatly for her lack of... well anything at all, really. It's her first year of high school, an she's finding it harder than she first imagined...

WHY DID I TAKE ALL HONORS CLASSES AS A FRESHMAN? WHY?

Odori: Because you're an idiot. Now start the Ra-damned fic!

Oh fine- hey, wait, why did you say Ra? Aren't you Japanese?

Odori: I don't know! Why don't you ask yourself? I'm just a figment of _your_ imagination!

Oh yeah...

Okay it's time to start the chapter now. This author's note is waaaaaayyy too long...

* * *

Ah yes, so here we are. The mall. Yep. It's hard to believe I actually allowed the Dynamic Duo (dynamic in the sense that like a stick of dynamite, either of them may blow up at any given moment without warning, killing or maiming anyone foolish enough to come within a ten foot radius of them. Like me.) drag me here. Ra, I'm so stupid.

"Malik, why are we here?"

"Well, it's obvious you- hey, one second Ryou. MARIK! STOP HARASSING THE SQUIRRELS! Anyways, where was I?"

"You were saying something about me being obvious," I say, rolling my eyes. Honestly.

"Oh yeah! Right! Yeah, well, it's obvious you have a major crush on Bakura, so we'e gonna help you out!"

"Oh, okay." You ever have those moments where it takes a few moments for a new piece of imformation to click? Yeah, this is one of those times.

"WAIT, WHAT?" Great, now _he's_ rolling his eyes at _me_.

"Ra, Ryou, don't have a cow."

"Don't... have a... cow...? Don't have a _cow_? WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'DON'T HAVE A COW'? I DON'T LIKE HIM! HOW DARE YOU ASSUME THAT!"

"Psh. Whatever," he says, waving his hand dismissively. "So you're in denial. We're here to get you together and that's final."

Remember how I said Malik was sane? Yeah, well I changed my mind. He's completely nuts. I tell him so, too. He doesn't seem to think so.

"Ryou, just because you can't accept the fact that you like your darker half, does not me my mental stability is any less than it ever was."

"Fine. Fine. Let's just say, I _do _like Bakura, which I don't, but for the sake of interest, let's just pretend. Why do you want to do this? I mean put us together?"

"Because, you two are so perfect for each other!"

"Yeah, right. We're complete opposites. He's not interested in goody goodies like me."

"Psh. Shows what you know." That stops me right in my tracks.

"What do you mean?"

"Geez, Ryou, do I need to spell it out for you? He likes you too. Really, you're both so dense." I stare at him in disbelief.

"No... you're wrong." Why do I feel this way? I got over Bakura ages ago... but...

"Ryou..."

"You're wrong!" Damnit! Malik has no idea what he's talking about! "He doesn't like me! I know he doesn't! He... he..."

"He what doesn't care about me like that. He's like a brother to me." Malik looks thoughtful, which is kinda creepy, but at the same time, it fits him. Weird.

"Hm, yes, well, he maybe thinks of you like that. Or, maybe he likes you. Frankly, I think its the latter."

"Malik..."

"Just think of it this way. Who better to be with, than the other half of your soul?" I stare at him again. And then I laugh.

"...Ryou?"

"I think you've really lost it. Just because you have a relationship with _your_ darker half, doesn't mean it always works out that way! Bakura doesn't like me! End of discussion!" And guess what he does?

He smirks!

_Smirks!_

Of all the lousy-!

"Wanna bet?"

"Ne?"

"Wanna bet?" he asks again. I look him over suspiciously.

"...Bet what?"

"That Bakura likes you. I'll bet... I'll bet my allowance from Isis for the next year that with my help, Bakura will be all over by the end of next week." Two weeks to get Bakura to like me? Ha! It would take a lifetime. But Malik sounds pretty sure about it... oh well, either way I win, whether it be money or love.

"You're on." I say, shaking his hand.

"Great," he says smiling back. "Oh, and if you lose Ryou, you have to take me on a shopping spree! Well see you inside!" With that he bounds off, into the arms of an awaiting Marik, who somehow entered the mall without me noticing whilst we were talking.

Then it clicks.

"Hey wait! I never agreed to that!"

* * *

Wow... that was only ten levels of crappiness. HOW CAN MY WRITING SUCK SUCH ROTTEN EGGS?

Odori: Oh it wasn't that bad.

YES IT WAS! IT WAS LIKE, TWENTY TIMES WORST THAN MY FIRST CHAPTER! AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING!

Odori: There, there. We can't all be great writers like Pork Steak the Grand(e), Ryuujistu, and Vada via Cretino. And at least you have a plot now.

(sniff) You're right. Thanks Yami-chan. And for those of you who don't know who those people I just named are, they are tendershipping _GODS_! READ THEIR STORIES, FOR THEY ARE GOOD!

Odori: Review and maybe her next chapter won't suck as much. In the mean time, you can just hit the monitor screaming 'be less sucky!' and see if that works.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Odori: Dewa Mata!


	3. Fetish

Odori: This story is doing way better than it should be.

No crap! What the hell are you guys on, and where can I get some? Cuz I'm pretty sure you'd have to be pretty high in the sky to enjoy those first two chapters!... not that I care as long as I keep getting my lovely little reviews...

Odori: You're pathetic.

TT I know. Oh, and again sorry bout the not updatingness. I really should be doing a chapter once a week, not once a month... meh. School sucks.

Odori On another note, isn't this story yaoi?

...Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhh...

Odori: So let me get this straight. You're a fourteen year old prude, straight female, and you're gonna write a story with gay sex?

Mmmmm... Yeah, that's the plan.

Odori: Right. Just making sure.

Oh and hey, that reminds me. Anyone want to write a lemon for me? Cuz... well... being prude... I'd probably suck.

Odori: Nobody cares and this author's note is too damn long. START THE RA DAMNED CHAPTER!

Okay okay sheesh --;;;

* * *

Sometimes I curse the day I was brought up as a polite and proper boy.

Let me explain my current situation to you all more clearly. Malik has proposed a bet, and, against what should have been my better judgement, I agreed. But why is this so bad, you ask?

Because little old Malik doesn't like to lose.

Which means he'll do anything to win. And I mean _anything_.

Leather... why on earth does everyone I know have a bloody leather fetish!

...What do you mean that's off the subject? It has everything to do with what I was talking about!

Meh.

So anyways, right now I have about 40 lbs. of dead cow hanging off the hanger of the 2x3 changing room my psychotic best friend shoved me into.

Fun, ne?

Right, well, back to the idea of me hating my politeness and properness (I don't care if that's not word, it is now!). If I was a normal teenage boy, I could've just screamed 'Hell no!' at the top of my lungs and be done with it.

But nooooooooooooooo. I have to be the well-mannered Brit.

Well screw that!

"Malik there's not a snowball's chance in hell I'm ever going... to... oh, that's really nice, you two." I'll three guesses as to which two people are in the middle of sucking each other's faces off, and the first two don't count.

"Malik... Marik... you're scaring the heterosexuals..." They seem to care. Not. Though, Marik did just seem to get an insane glint in his eye and make his "attack" more aggressive.

"Well, then I guess I'll just go home now." Fine, let them do whatever the hell the want. Just saves me from be forced to wear these indecent clothes.

I start backing up when tan fingers lock around my considerably paler wrist.

"You're not going anywhere, Ry-chan, unless it's to the cash register." Oh come on! You've got to be kidding me! He was waging war with his yami's tongue just a moment ago! How can you recover from something like that so fast!

"Malik..."

"Ryou, I am dead serious. If you don't buy those clothes, we are going to have a problem." he locks his narrowed lavendar eyes with my own beautiful dirt brown ones. I glare right back.

I need new friends.

I sigh. There wasn't a chance I was going to win against him. Hell, if he really felt the need he could take over my mind.

Goddamn Sennen Items.

"F...fine..." I say, giving in. Stupid properness!

Dear God, what have I gotten myself into? Am I really willing to go to such extremes when I know Malik's wrong?

Too late to worry about it now. It's my time to pay. Christ, leather costs a lot! Damnit, Malik better have a lot of money for his allowance...

"Good, now all you have to do is change." Well, hey, looks like crazy and crazier have decided to separate themselves long enough to torment me some more. Joy.

"...I'm not wearing this stuff."

"Sure you are."

"No, I'm not-"

"Yes," he says slowly, hissing slightly at the 's'. "Yes you are." Well, crap.

* * *

Guess I learned today? Msking out makes you hungry! Who would've guessed? And that, my friends, is exactly why the two most mental people on the face of the planet have dragged me down to the food court.

This is, of course, after they forced me into wearing dead cow.

Did you know that leather is really uncomfortable? Because it is. Not in the sense that it has an irritating texture, but in the way that it feels like you AREN'T WEARING ANYTHING!

AAGH! How does Bakura do it?

I swear i'm not wearing pants. Every few minutes, I have to pat down my leg to make sure they're still there.

I HATE LEATHER!

GRR!

AND...

UM...

ROWR! I'M ANGRY!

"..."

Damn, I hate being proper.

And I really wish people would stop staring at me.

"..."

I hate my life.

* * *

Well... um... it's... less sucky than the first two...?

Yeah, you're right. It sucked.

Ah well, c'est la vie. I'll try to make it better for the next one. And... and.. update sooner! Yeah, I'll try that, too...

So...

Yeah.

Please review!

Dewa Mata!

Saruwatari


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